Harry Potter and the Fellowship of the Ring
by Auska
Summary: This is a crossover fic with Lord of the Rings. Co-Written with Evil Kitsune (Queen of the Underworld) SLASHY. Please R
1. Chapter 1

We don't own Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. We only own the plot yadda yadda yadda. BTW this may offend particular fans of particular characters if so. Well what are you gonna do? BTW this is also SLASHY. Apparently.. Anyways it starts during the Two Towers and then continues in the Order of the Phoenix (granted that's what JK decides to call it of course)  
  
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Lightning pierced the black night sky as heavy drops of rain fell on the men and elves awaiting the arrival of Saruman's Uruk-hai whom were marching to Helms Deep. They stood arrows and swords at the ready awaiting their captain.. Leader.. Things orders.  
  
"Hold you." But they never found out what they were to hold. Men and Elves looked around in confusion while one grasped his 'lil' soldier' and shouted, "I'M READY ARAGORN!"  
  
King Theoden. Who is a king, turned to one of his men and said, "Perhaps my eyes deceive me but it seems our commander and his two companions have. Er. Disappeared."  
  
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Merry and Pippin rode on the shoulders of Treebeard whom was informing them of Ent sex when they seemed to. Er. Vanish.  
  
"Merry? Pippin? Oh I was just up to Ent orgasms"  
  
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Gandalf lay in Lothlorien finding out just how deep Galadriels mirror really is when they both. Er. Disappeared.  
  
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Frodo and Sam were being led by Smeagol through the Dead Marshes. Frodo looked at the water as they passed and stared at the lights in the water.  
  
"Don't follow the lights," Smeagol warned but his voice was drowned out by Frank farting therefor Frodo followed the lights anyway and fell into the marsh.  
  
Smeagol jumped in to save him as well as Sam but as Smeagol's hand closed over Frodo's ELVEN CLOAK all three. Er. Vanished.  
  
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MEANWHILE AT HOGWARTS  
  
The sorting had finally been completed and Harry, Ron and that Mudblood filth who has no right to practise magic (sorry we can't bring ourselves to say her name), now in their 5th year, sat talking to two of the new Gryffindor students. Suddenly Trelawney burst into the room.  
  
"I predict new and strange students arriving at our school!"  
  
McGonagall, who was still holding the sorting hat said, "Er like hello. Sorting Ceremony!"  
  
"That was sooo not what I was talking about!"  
  
"Yeah like your totally just tryna impress Sprout who, by the way, is a woman!" McGonagall sneered.  
  
"What?" Asked Trelawney turning to Professor Sprout. "I thought you were a man!"  
  
"MIKE WASOWSKI!" shouted Sprout.  
  
"Well at least I don't shop at. Where do you shop?" Trelawney asked.  
  
McGonagall looked down at her robes which looked suspiciously like Snapes and said "I. Don't.. Know!"  
  
"Riiight!"  
  
Dumbledore stood to address the students. He opened his mouth dramatically when suddenly the door burst open just as dramatically and there stood 10 new and strange students.  
  
Snape stood showing off his curves in lovely emerald green robes. "And you are?" he asked.  
  
"MIKE WASOWSKI!" shouted Sprout.  
  
Boromir (AKA pincushion) suddenly floated through Frodo, and Sam stopped him before he went through anyone else.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" he asked instead of the obvious question "Why are you here?"  
  
"Well it was the closest I'll ever get to being inside Frodo." Said Boromir with a sad grin.  
  
"Bet you wish you were a hobbit," Said Sam Happily.  
  
"Or a dwarf."  
  
"Or a Smeagol."  
  
"Or a ranger."  
  
"Or an elf."  
  
"Or an elf witch."  
  
"Or an Istari."  
  
"The point is!" interrupted Boromir loudly. "He (pointing to Aragorn) is just a mere ranger."  
  
"He is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn son of Arathorn, heir to the thrown of Gondor. Defender of men, friend of the elves, tosser of dwarves and the best shag you'll ever have!" said Legolas once again jumping to the ranger's defence. The rest of the group nodded including Boromir.  
  
"Please tell me Boromir was alive when you shagged him? Wait you shagged him?" Asked Lego. Aragorn avoided his eyes.  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
"MIKE WASOWSKI!"  
  
"Indeed!" said Snape.  
  
"Who are you?" demanded Dumbledore.  
  
"Have you listened to nothing I have said?" asked Lego irritated.  
  
"Yes fine! He's Aragorn yadda, yadda, yadda but who are the rest of you?"  
  
"Stop," Dumbledore help up a hand. "Come to my office immediately. The rest of the school will continue with the feast."  
  
Dumbledore left the teacher's table and left the hall with the new strangers following.  
  
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That evening in Dumbledore's office it was decided that Galadriel and Gandalf would become teachers, Boromir a school ghost and the rest would stay as 5th year students until they worked out how to get them home. Frodo and Sam were placed in Gryffindor, Pippin, Merry and Aragorn in Ravenclaw, Legolas and Gimli in Hufflepuff and Smeagol in Slytherin.  
  
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Please review. 


	2. Chapter 2

Again only own plot yadda yadda.  
  
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The next morning Legolas was the last down to breakfast, in fact he was only 5 minutes later than Draco Malfoy who was famous for spending hours getting ready. As he looked around for his seat Aragorn's voice travelled over the chatting students,  
  
"Over here Kitten!" he said patting the seat next to him.  
  
Legolas smiled with relief and made his way over to Aragorn trying to ignore students ( and teachers) whistling and cat calling to him.  
  
"Hey! I'm Kitten!" came a voice from the door.  
  
Legolas spun quickly to see who had spoken. Standing there in the doorway was a young boy, probably about 15 or 16, wearing nothing but a scowl, cat ears, a tail, collar, nipple rings and a shiny gold ring on his "kitten hood". Indeed it did look as if he were an overgrown, furless, kitten. Before anyone could reply Smeagol had run over and bit off "Kittens " "Kitten hood" and began stroking the gold ring while whispering "My preciousssssss."  
  
"MIKE WASOWSKI!" echoed through the hall.  
  
"You can't sit there," said a Ravenclaw 6th year as Legolas sat down.  
  
"Why not?" asked Legolas. "I'm a prince and I can sit where I want!"  
  
"Actually you can't. This isn't your house table." The Ravenclaw replied pointing to the Hufflepuff table.  
  
"But I wanna sit next to Aragorn." Lego pouted clutching to the ranger protectively. The Ravenclaw simply glare.  
  
"Fine I'll sit over THERE!" growled Legolas as he stood and moved to the Hufflepuff table. "Wait til my father hears about this!"  
  
"It's not all that bad." Said Gimli who was next to Legolas. "You get to sit next to me!" with that Legolas began sobbing childishly and the Hufflepuff girls jumped at the chance to hug him.  
  
At the Ravenclaw table Merry and Pippin were being handed timetables. Pippin glanced at it and turned it over as if looking for more.  
  
"What's wrong Pip?" asked Merry.  
  
"Where's second breakfast, afternoon tea, elevensies and supper fit in?" he asked.  
  
"Pip, we've been through this. It's the same as on the quest but we get more food this time!" Explained Merry. "Look we have Potions with Legolas and Gimli first."  
  
"MIKE WASOWSKI!"  
  
The hall emptied with students stepping over "Kitten" who was clutching the remains of his "Kitten hood" and moaning for once in pain. Draco then stopped beside Smeagol who was still stroking precious.  
  
"Come Smeagol! We've got Care of Magical Creatures. It's Potter bashing time!" said Malfoy smirking.  
  
(Author currently going ga-ga at the thought)  
  
(Other author shakes head and mutters "baka")  
  
(Author suggests we get on with the story and other author stops touching Legolas there!)  
  
(Other author says "I don't wanna!")  
  
(Author suggests we stop sounding like the marauders (Ah Sirius) and get on with the story.)  
  
(Right!)  
  
Snape swooped into the dungeon like the overgrown bat he is and moved to the front of the class.  
  
"Welcome to our new students. I trust all the 5th years are treating you well. Ignore Potter, he's a pint sized hero who thinks he's above everyone else."  
  
"Pints? He comes in Pints?" asked Pippin who had previously been sleeping on the desk.  
  
"And here's another one who doesn't think he needs to pay attention in class," said Snape.  
  
"But he doesn't! We're not supposed to be here," Merry said.  
  
"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" Snapped Snape. The class went silent and gave each other looks of puzzled amusement.  
  
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Meanwhile at the Care of Magical Creatures class 'Agrid was absolutely fasinated by Smeagol.  
  
"What exactly are you?"  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"Where do you come from?"  
  
"Are there any other creatures like you?"  
  
"Do you make a good pet?"  
  
"Can I keep you?"  
  
"Why are you running away?"  
  
And what was pretty much the extent of their lesson.  
  
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Next chapter is a special chapter and will be up soon. Again please review! 


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